So it has come to this. You’re desperate enough to turn to the lesbians for advice…

Well, you might have thought: Hey, they’re women who fuck women, so they should know everything about what women like, right?

Right!

So fear not, my clueless friend, help is afoot. For within these pages you will find the secrets to everlasting sexual bliss, love and a grand, pussy-filled life.

It also contains light doses of Heavy Metal, a random Coldplay reference, Stephen King and a lot of dirty words. If any of these things will give you a rash, you might want to look for a different book.

So. Prick your ears and steer your prick, ’cause I’m only gonna say this once.

Ready? Let’s begin!